You're Over 30. Buy Some Tums.

Tums Antacid Chewable Tablets 60-count (Smoothies Berry Fusion) | $4 | Amazon

Remember when you could eat dozens of hot wings, drink beer all night, make out with a stranger, go to sleep, then wake up at 6 a.m. to go running? Well, those days are over. You’re over 30 now, your candidate just dropped out, and you should just lean into sadness—and buy some Tums.

Tums are great. They may not help with heartbreak, but they’ll work just fine for heartburn. Luckily for you, this 60-count pack will cost you just $4.